10 posts tagged “meme”

(This thing is going around Facebook like chlamydia in a Freshman dorm, so I'm answering it before anyone tags me.  Tag yourself if you like.  64 Questions, with no prize for the right answers...)

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Left forearm

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? This girl at work wears a green one I like. That's probably my favorite, although I don't wear them.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Sure, but she might slap me again too.

4. Do you plan outfits? No. What if I die in my sleep? I've just wasted all that effort.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Fine. No, wait. Okay, fine again.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red? My tired bloodshot eyes.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? It involved travel and relatives.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? No.  Everyone was at least 24 years old.

9. What are you craving right now? A nice root beer float would be nice.

10. Do you floss? Occasionally. It's easier to floss your teeth after they fall out, though.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? "Why the fuck is this person saying `cabbage'?"

12. Are you emotional? Not so much, no.  Except when I'm hysterical or angry.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Not by ones. I mean, I've counted out ten hundreds before, so technically yes. I've never sat around counting from one to 1000 just for shits and giggles though. If I were to do such an inane thing, I'd do it in my "The Count" from Sesame Street voice ("One. Ah. Ah. Ah.") and I haven't done that voice since I quit smoking pot many years ago.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? I start out licking, but if the ice cream likes it rough, I'll bite a little.

15. Do you like your hair? I don't dislike it.

16. Do you like yourself? I don't dislike it.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Sure, if he bought and promised to drink.
I bet the guy has some great stories from college. I just didn't want him running the country.

18. What are you listening to right now? The dulcet, insistent tones of Ana-Sofia Vargas singing at the wall.

19. Are your parents strict? Not since I turned 30.

20. Would you go sky-diving? I wouldn't go up in the plane to begin with, much less jump out of it.

21. Do you like cottage cheese? I like cottages and I like cheese. Not cottage cheese.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes. Lots of them.

23. Do you rent movies often? A few times a month.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? Yeah, my sequined ball gown collection. No, there's nothing sparkly in my room.  What am I, a freakin' magpie?

25. How many countries have you visited? Only this one. If the other countries were closer to me, I might visit.

26. Have you made a prank phone call? Nope

27. Ever been on a train? The Beck's Bier Mardi Gras Express, on the Amtrak "Sunset Limited."

28. Brown or white eggs? I don't practice ovadiscrimination

29. Do you have a cell phone? No, I have a tin can with a string coming out its ass-end.

30. Do you use chapstick? When my lips are chapped, yes.

31. Do you own a gun? No, which is good because I'm less than half way through this thing, and I'm ready to pop a hollow-point in my brain pan.

32. Can you use chopsticks? I can play "Chopsticks," and I can eat with a fork.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? I'm due for another X-Files dream, so who knows?

34. Are you too forgiving? Becoming less so with every question

35. Ever been in love? Yes.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? Hopefully not answering these questions.

37. Ever have cream puffs? No. I couldn't get the chopsticks to work.

38. Last time you cried? Last century some time, probably over spilled milk.  Next time, probably in another 10 questions or so.

39. What was the last question you asked? "Do I own a cell phone? Really? What is this, 1990?"

40. Favorite time of the year? 10:38 PM

41. Do you have any tattoos? I have a lovely image of Salma Hayek tattooed on my pancreas in radiofluorescent dye. It only shows up on X-rays, but it's awesome.

42. Are you sarcastic? Never.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? No.  The Moth Influence yes, but not The Butterfly Effect

44. Ever walked into a wall? Walked, driven, listened to, you name it

45. Favorite color? Green

46. Have you ever slapped someone? No.

47. Is your hair curly? Some of it

48. What was the last CD you bought? It was a good one, back in 1984: 10.3% for a three year.

49. Do looks matter? Well, I don't have Ernest fucking Borgnine tattooed on my pancreas, so you do the math.

50. Is your phone bill sky high? No. It's on the counter next to the electric bill.

51. Do you like your life right now? Less so than I did twenty questions ago. Yes. Life is great.

52. Do you sleep with the TV on? Nope

53. Can you handle the truth? "She had nothing left to say, so she said she loved me; and I stood there, grateful for the lie." (Gin Blossoms)

54. Do you have good vision? When wearing my glasses.

55. Do you hate or dislike more than three people? Why three? Is three the metric for being hateful (or dislikeful?) ?

56. How often do you talk on the phone? All day at work, and rarely after.

57. Are you addicted to Facebook? No. I like that I can catch up with old friends, but that's about it.

58. What are you wearing? An armored breast-plate, neoprene suit, boots, utility belt, and a cowl. (I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt)

59. What is your favorite animal? The zooplankton (zooplankton ask no questions)

60. Where was your profile picture taken at? The Hubble took it, I believe

61. Can you hula hoop? I could when I was five and had a waist.

62. Do you have a job? Yes

63. What was the most recent thing you bought? A Diet Mountain Dew

64. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes.

All that, and we end with "Have you ever crawled through a window?" Sheesh.

Happy Monday. :-)

"Once you've been tagged, you have to write a note with sixteen random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose sixteen people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you." (Copy and paste this.)

1.) I failed the balance beam in Kindergarten, and I've maintained that same quality of clumsiness ever since.

2.) I prefer night to day, and it's always been far easier for me to work evenings than mornings.

3.) I might only turn my TV on once a month; I watch all my shows online whenever possible.

4.) I read in fits and starts: I might read 3 books a week for a month, then not read another one for a year.

5.) Speaking of which, I keep the same books in my bathroom at all times ("American Tabloid" and its sequel "The Cold 6000," by James Ellroy)

6.) I have a useless, but self-amusing, ability to use movie quotes in conversation; this is even more amusing when the other person gets it. (Brother Marky is appallingly good at this, too)

7.) I hate moving.  I've lived in St Pete for 19 years, and I've had two apartments.

8.) I have a great talent for relating to each person on his or her level, but I don't especially like meeting new people.

9.) Every mistake I've made in 23 years of radio will be zooming through space at the speed of light for all eternity.

10.) Until last fall, I had never been admitted to the hospital, although I'd been there with a broken wrist once.  That ended with three surgeries and a solid month's stay last winter.

11.) I don't own anything with long sleeves.

12.) For that matter, I didn't own any long pants for a couple years. 

13.) Of all the guitars I've owned and gotten rid of, the two I'd most want back were my 1976 Gibson Les Paul Artisan, and this beautiful Yamaha acoustic I had in high school.

14.) If I had sufficient money, I could go weeks at a time without leaving my home.

15.) I don't fear death anymore, but babies scare me.

16.) When I was in the hospital, the thing I missed the most was my cat.  (Pathetic, I know, but I couldn't sleep without her!)

Here's a bonus one: I'm not tagging anyone.  Knock yourself out, or don't.  Have a great weekend either way.

Stolen from Kersten K:

It's kind of a long survey.

What do you consider some perks of being your gender?  Not being expected to depilate, sand, wax, spackle, perfume, color-coordinate, paint, sculpt, dye, or surgically alter myself. 

Would you ever get a tattoo with someone's name on it?  Only if I could have a light-board installed instead, so that I could change the name whenever I changed "someones."  Or, I could have the lightboard say "Vacancy" if I were between "someones."

What occupation do you find sexy?  Professional softball player/librarian.

Would you ever get your nipples pierced?  Probably not.

What is your LEAST favorite type of alcohol?  CH₃OH  (methanol)

Did you ever have tea parties when you were younger?  I did not, although I did enjoy little sandwiches with the crusts removed.

Have you ever shaved someone before? Sadly, yes.  It was a mutual pity hook-up, and it seemed like a good idea.

Do you know anyone personally who is terminally ill?

Sadly, yes.

What's your favorite quote from a movie? At this particular moment, it would probably be this one from the excellent film, "Broadcast News": Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?

Would you rather be the opposite sex?  No, I don't think I would.  I'm leaving KK's answer, though, because it's hilarious:

For one day..two days tops, but I would really want to try the following:

1) Pee out of a moving vehicle

2) Get a boner in public

3) Pee in the snow

4) Get a blow Job

5) Cum in someone's eye

6) Wake up and NOT brush my teeth, NOT brush my hair, or have to put on make-up.  Put on DIRTY clothes.

7) Burp loudly in public

8) Play "helicopter" in the mirror

9) Scratch myself in public

10) Fuck an apple pie and see if it really feels good  lol

Do you like spending time with your parents?  I do, but I don't see them all that often.  Maybe that's why I like spending time with them.

What would you do if you saw a guy hit a girl?  I actually saw a guy hitting a girl while driving down Main Street in Sarasota.  She started to get out of the car, and he pulled her back in and gunned it.  I was driving a Sarasota County vehicle at the time, and I called the PD on my radio.  I don't know what happened.

Have you ever gambled? Every time I open my mouth in public. ;-)  Seriously, I learned a long time ago that gambling was not the vice for me. 

What would you NEVER name one of your children? Anything soap-opera-ish (Alexis, eg) or overly trendy (Dylan, Joshua, etc).  I want my kid not to hate me on the first day of school and when s/he bubbles in the SAT form. 

What is the coolest restaurant you've ever been to?  The Catfish Pad in Tallahassee, FL.  It served--wait for it--catfish, giganto platters of fried catfish, with cheese grits, coleslaw, and hushpuppies.  Wash it down with buckets of sweet tea, and you're good to go.  (disclaimer: certain herbal "appetite enhancers" were involved in this visit)

Do you have any analog clocks in your house? I don't have any clocks at all.  Just the computer, the microwave, and the cellphone.  Kind of scary, to be honest.

What do you do with clothes you've outgrown or don't want anymore? I leave them in my closet for years, until eventually they make it to Goodwill.

Where do you go when you want to get a REALLY good sub sandwich?  The Sangwich Block (sic).  Their subs are excellent, but their super-stacked "Ugly" sandwiches are teh ossm. 

What is the lowest grade you ever received on a report card? An "F" (as in "Fuck being pre-med anymore) in Calculus.

How often do you go to the bathroom in a day?  Just enough.

Do you use tobacco products?  Yes.

What magazine do you read or look through most often?  I don't really read magazines.  Sometimes, I'll pick up The Star at the grocery store, but I would never admit that.  Oh, crap.  I just did.

Do you support local music/artists?  I'm in favor of them, and I've helped promote many bands over the years by plugging their gigs and cd's. 

What style of house would you like to live in?  An open-plan thing with moveable walls, a retractable roof, and furniture suspended from the ceilings on chains, which could be raised or lowered to suit my whim.  Also, I'd want a small river to run through it, so that I could have snacks floated from the kitchen area to the bed area, or to the couch room.  If I had the couches at high altitude, say seven or eight feet above the floor, I'd need to have a small remote-controlled helicopter to airlift my supplies from the river to the couch.  Also, I'd want a giant fan, capable of completely replacing the house's air in five minutes.  There would also need to be a waterfall, which could fall into the river of course, and a small lagoon.  And a planetarium.  And a Hammond B-3 organ in the music corner.  And a giant open fire pit in the middle of the floor.  And I'd like the whole thing to be covered with grass outside, so that it was invisible from the air and the road.  And grass inside would be nice, too.  But golf course grass, not St Augustine.  Also, I'd my view to be this:

...only not be too cold for the topless girls operating the tiki bar.

Would you ever go a week without showering?  Just one?

If your nails are painted, what color are they?  I really dislike nail polish in general, but especially on me.

When you see a movie based on a book, do you go and read the book? It all depends.  With the Harry Potter movies, I've read all the books multiple times.  Same with any Stephen King films.  With others--"In Cold Blood," for example--I liked them both, although the movie usually pales next to my mind's eye.

Do you put posters on your bedroom walls?  No.  They would clash with the handprints and cobwebs.

Do you use iTunes or do you use another music player?  I use iTunes on the Power Book.  In the car, I use this thing called a "radio."

Do you flip the channel when commercials come on?  When I used to watch tv at work, I wouldn't flip channels.  I'd start watching the show at the beginning, then pause it for 45 minutes or so.  Then I'd watch it, and simply fast-forward through all the spots.  I rarely turn on my tv set.  I watch my favorite shows online, with only the one little :30 spot between acts. 

Are there any really gross dishes in your bedroom?  Surprisingly, there are none at this time. 

What would you do if your parents caught you drinking?  Probably belch really loud, then blame one of the cats.

Have you seen any of the Saw movies?  I have not seen Saw.  (what an odd sentence)

Do you watch any cartoons?  Yes.  Family Guy, Simpsons, American Dad, plus Adult Swim-type stuff, lots of Anime.  Again, all online.

What was your favorite book as a kid?  I loved Roald Dahl.  I read the biggies--Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and James and the Giant Peach--but my favorite was a book of his short stories, anchored by the novella "The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar." (more here) I also loved "The Hobbit," even though I found the trilogy tedious. Also, I read "The Great Escape" about a million times, along with "The Omen," and some book whose name I can't even remember, but it was about two teens escaping from a horribly polluted world.  Very odd.

Have you ever lost a house or car key that you never found?  Never a house or car key, but I did lose the Key of A for a month one time.  It was horrible--no rock or blues. 

If you had lose one of your body parts what would it be? Probably my toenails.  They don't seem to serve any purpose, seeing as I don't need them to capture or rend prey, and I've had a couple of them ripped off, which really hurt.  All in all, I think they're more a hindrance than a boon, sort of like income taxes.

Have a great weekend, everyone.    

Body:

Have you ever gotten butte​rflie​s from someo​ne?​​​ I've spent my entire dating life trying NOT to catch bugs from my partners.  Butterflies wouldn't be bad, actually.  Anthrax or Mad Cow Disease would be worse. Have you ever been cheated on? Only in golf, that I'm aware of. If you saw the last person you kisse​d,​​ kissi​ng someo​ne else right ​now, do you think ​ you would ​ get mad? Nah.  I'm sure the new guy's money is just as good as mine. What is your relat​ionship status?​​​ Confusing Where ​ were you at 7:​​​17PM last night ​ ? Working to transfer dollars from people's pockets into the GNP. Besid​es this, ​​​what are you doing ​right now? Wishing Salma Hayek were here with me in bed, and that Alyson Hannigan were bringing us both a slice of Key Lime Pie and a pot of good coffee. Will you be up befor​e 7AM tomorrow?​​​ That's about bedtime for me, actually.  What will you be doing ​in thirty minutes?​​​ Honestly, probably still praying for that Salma/Alyson/pie scenario to happen. What's somet​hing you disli​ked about ​ yesterday? I wish it would've rained.  ​​​ What are you liste​ning to? The dulcet and insistent tones of Ana-Sofia Vargas singing, "MROWIT'SGOINGTOSTORM! (Slight Return)" Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? I had a dream I'd gone back to college, and I was driving my mom's old 1972 Mercury Comet with a column-mounted manual transmission.  I definitely woke up and said, "WTF?" Is it easy for someone to make you smile/laugh? Yep.  Bring me pie, and I'll smile. What was the last thing you drank ​?​​​ At work, I had a caramel-benzedrine-methuccino from the coffee machine.  Now, I'm just drinking water till the fibrillation stops. Did you have a dream last night? My old buddy Jeff and I were back at some non-existant university in South Carolina, and I was driving the old Comet (as stated).  This was one of the saner dreams I've had recently. When will your next kiss be? Payday. What are you think​ing about ​right ​now? I'm wondering if the modern day Sphinx would bother with that question about what moves on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening, or if said Sphinx would present us with memes like this. Last place ​you hugge​d someo​ne and who? It was Dorothy, around her shoulders and back. Is there ​ anyth​ing stres​sing you out curre​ntly? I wish I had a little bit more money.  And a Gibson ES-175. Do you remember what you were like a year ago? I was just starting back to work part-time after my fun hospital vacation.  I was easily tired and perpetually sore. Who are you missi​ng the most right now? My former partner in crime and workplace comedy, Ann Marie (she's on a different schedule in a different office now).  Few things make work more tolerable than a good partner in crime and workplace comedy.  I still have friends, but I'm left to make all the comedy myself, which isn't as much fun. Who was the first ​ person you talked to today? Barbara at Winn-Dixie, actually. What are you NOT looki​ng forwa​rd to? I'm just trying to get over my present disappointment that there's no hot Mexican girl and Key Lime Pie in my bed.  I'll dread the future tomorrow. Are you a forgiving person?​​​ Not nearly forgiving enough.  For as many holes as there are in my memory, I have an annoyingly capacious store of slights and sins others have committed.  The good news for humanity is that I'm least capable of self-forgiveness. Is there ​any meaning behind your profi​le song? ​​​ My last profile song on MySpace was "Whiskey or God," by Dale Watson.  "Whiskey or God will bring me relief...bending my elbow or my knees...bring salvation to me."  Yeah.   No meaning whatsoever.  hah Do you wish on 11:​​​11?​​ No.  Am I supposed to wish on 11:11? Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong all these years.  Also, in Europe, do they wish on 23:23? Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? ​​ It was my hot Mexican 7-Eleven girl, Marielena.  I love her, regardless of whether she wishes on 11:11. Do you have any plans ​for tomor​row?​​​ I plan on having Magda wake Salma and me around 11:11, then a long shower, and Magda drives us to the airport, where we get on the G-IV and fly to New Orleans for brunch.  I'm thinking beignets and strong coffee at Cafe du Monde.  Then maybe Magda can fly us to Hawaii for a luau with Elvis Costello and kd lang performing, then the luxury red-eye back here.  If that doesn't happen, I'll probably just wake up and go to work. Do you wish you were with someone somewhere else right now? Not really. Do you have an older ​ broth​er? I have one brother whose a helluva lot older than he used to be. Think ​ back to the last person you held hands ​ with, ​​would ​you kiss them? ​​​ Could I kiss her somewhere other than her hands? Are you wearing socks? Crackerboy? At home? Hell to the no. Is it cute when a boy/​​​girl calls ​you baby? ​​​ Is a boy/girl like a chick-with-dick? If so, then no.  If not, then it's cute when a girl calls me baby, but not when a boy does. Is it easy for other​s to make you feel awkwa​rd?​​​ If they ask me inane questions, it is.  Actually, I'm awkward enough with or without others. When someone says "we need to talk" ​​what do you think? I'm leaving Anastacia's answer, because it's perfect: "That they need to talk, and I have to listen becuase they have made a decision and nothing I say is going to make a damn bit of difference anyway." Do you need to say anything to someone?​​​ Well, if someone sneezes, I need to say "God bless you," or if I step on some poor soul's feet, I need to say "Excuse me," and if somebody in another car is driving too slowly, I need to say, "DAMN YOU! HANG UP AND DRIVE, YOU STUPID SHIT FOR BRAINS TWAT-WAFFLE BASTARD PECKERSNOT SHITHEAD!" Other than that, I'm good. Do you know anyon​e named ​ Taylo​r?​​​ I used to, but I haven't seen her since she was eight and I was 22. (NO! We were NOT dating! She was a coworker's stepdaughter (I'm not Jerry Lee Lewis, for crying out loud)) How many peopl​e of the opposite sex do you fully ​trust? I trust Rachel Ray.  And Carrie, and my mom, although I wonder about my mom sometimes. Are you friends with someone who's older than you? My friends all age with preternatural rapidity.  That said, yes.  I am friends with people older than I am. In the past week, ​​have you felt stupid?​​​ Yes, but she woke up and slapped me. (rimshot) Do you want to be married? I'd happily be married, as long as I could still live alone. Were you happy ​ when you woke up today? I was happy enough to be alive, and my chemicals were all nicely balanced.  That said, I wasn't happy not to be sleeping anymore.  Miles Davis could've waited another couple hours before starting "All Blues," and I'd have been okay with that. Do you ever leave people messages on answering machines? Is this question you've been building up to this whole time? I do if when necessary. Here's one I'd rather answer: "If you were going to make a necklace or bracelet out of pills, which ones would you choose?" I'd alternate NyQuil and Alleve LiquiGels with these lovely omega-3 fish oil caps I take.  They'd be pretty--blue, green, and gold--and they'd ease the headache and congestion associated with having answered all these questions.  Happy weekend.

I stole this from Lauri.  Ostensibly, you bold the things you've done in life, and leave the other ones in regular print.  I always end up with chaos whene'er I attempt to format creatively, so I'll just write a word or two after the ones I've done, and note the ones I have not yet completed.

1. Started your own blog  (I'm looking into this one.)
2. Slept under the stars (Oh, sure.  I've never danced with the stars, though)
3. Played in a band (The Forgotten Pus Casserole, ftw!)
4. Visited Hawaii (Indeed, a week on Oahu, and a day trip to the big island)
5. Watched a meteor shower (I've watched a meteor shower, shave her legs, and apply her makeup. (the Leonids are my favorite))

6. Given more than you could afford to charity (Oddly enough, I did once)
7. Been to Disneyland (nope, but Disneyworld, an hour away, a couple or three dozen times)
8. Climbed a mountain (If by "climb" you include "drove a car," then yes.  I also threw up on Pike's Peak (and boy was Pike pissed))
9. Held a praying mantis (I think she was praying, anyway--she was clutching a Rosary)
10. Sang a solo (this used to be my neighbors' least favorite time of the night when I drank)
11. Bungee jumped (Oh, hell no.  I fall down enough on my own)
12. Visited Paris (No desire, but I think her sister Nicky is hot)
13. Watched a lightning storm (In summertime Florida, you don't really have a choice)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (No, but I've gotten impetigo from scratching)
15. Adopted a child (Oh, no.)
16. Had food poisoning (Nope.  Thankfully, I drank enough that it killed any bacteria that might have tried to sicken me.  However,  I probably gave people food poisoning, back in my brief food service days.)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (Nope.  Washington Monument, yes, but not the Statue of Liberty)
18. Grown your own vegetables (Yes.  I grew a yam, once, that looked a lot like Richard Nixon.)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France (I thought I saw her once at Bennigan's, but I was pretty lit.)

20. Slept on an overnight train (If you count passing out in a vodka stupor on the Beck's Bier Mardi Gras Express, then yes.  I didn't sleep much, though)
21. Had a pillow fight (Yep)
22. Hitch hiked (No.  I don't like riding in the car with other people)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (Why waste them when you feel bad?)
24. Built a snow fort (I've eaten a snow-cone in a tree fort--does that count?)
25. Held a lamb (I've never even seen a lamb in person)
26. Gone skinny dipping (Yep.  The folks at Sea World were kinda pissed at me, though)
27. Run a marathon (I might have run 26 miles cumulative in my life, but it wasn't all at once, I assure you)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice  (I applied for a job at the Venice (FL) Gondolier, though)
29. Seen a total eclipse (A few nice partials, but never a total.)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (sometimes even on the same day)

31.Hit a home run. (Oddly enough, yes.  It was in Little League, back in the late 20th Century)

32. Been on a cruise (Little casino boat day cruises, where people puke at their slot machines)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (Nope)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (Bradenton, FL, and Tyner, GA)
35. Seen an Amish community (Strangely enough, my hometown has a sizable Amish enclave called "Pinecraft." Half the people are named Yoder, and they make peanut butter pie that can make your socks roll up and down)
36. Taught yourself a new language (I'm sure I've spoken words that were intelligible only to me, but I forgot the language by the next day)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (Depends on the hooker)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person  (I thought it was a CGI effect)
39. Gone rock climbing (I'll say yes.  I've climbed on rocks, but nothing "extreme")
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David (Only a replica at the RIngling Museum of Art in Sarasota (and on a postcard my buddy Stephen Mac sent me, saying, "DOOD! Here's a picture of David's big loin." It's a miracle that one made it through the Italian and American postal services)

41. Sung karaoke.  (Yep.)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt  (When I was ten, my parents took us all to Yellowstone.  Old Faithful was cool)
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant  (Breakfast the next morning)
44. Visited Africa (I've visited Busch Gardens: The Dark Continent, so I'll count that as a yes.  I'm sure it's the same)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (I've done lots of things on the beach by moonlight. ;-)

46. Been transported in an ambulance  (pmsl.  Yes, I have, actually: one year ago today.  From one hospital to another.  It was the only time I was outside for five weeks.)

47. Had your portrait painted (I don't even like having pictures taken, much less waiting for a human to steal my soul manually)
48. Gone deep sea fishing (I did once, and caught just as much of nothing as I catch shallow sea fishing)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person (I think the Pope has a restraining order against me)
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (Nope.)
51. Gone scuba diving and snorkeling  (I've snorkeled, but never with a scuba tank.)
52. Kissed in the rain (I have.)
53. Played in the mud  (See #52)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater (See #s 52-53)
55. Been in a movie (See #s 52-54)

56. Visited the Great Wall of China (A couple times (It was my buddy, Doug's, favorite restaurant)
57. Started a business (Sorta.  I had my own voiceover business, but it wasn't official.  Just me going places, reading stuff, and getting a check)
58. Taken a martial arts class. (If Wyatt Earp taught painting, would it be a Marshal Arts class?)
59. Visited Russia (Nyet)
60. Served at a soup kitchen (No.  I've worked in a kitchen where we made soup, though (Manhattan Style Seafood Chowder, actually))
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Sold? No.  Bought? You betcha)
62. Gone whale watching (Only the "killer" type at Sea World)
63. Got flowers for no reason (I've given flowers for no reason.)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (I've given blood once, and it was to get out of a Problems of American Democracy test Senior Year.)
65. Gone sky diving (Only off of barstools)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (We don't have any nearby.  We do have the Holocaust Museum, which is sufficiently horrifying)
67. Bounced a check (*snort* Oh, hell yes.)
68. Flown in a helicopter (The mosquito control helicopter.  When I landed it, they were pretty mad.)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy  (I did my best, but it was too far gone.  I finally had to pull the plug.)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (Yes.  Also the Cadillac Memorial, and the Mercedes-Benz National Monument)
71. Eaten caviar (In something else (a lobster bisque, if I recall)
72. Pieced a quilt (Not that I recall)
73. Stood in Times Square (I've read the St Pete Times in Tyrone Square Mall, if that counts)
74. Toured the Everglades (Yes.  As thoroughly as I could at 85 miles an hour)

75. Been fired from a job. (Twice: one "your contract won't be renewed" and one "we're eliminating your position.")

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (No.  Those are the guys from the Beefeater's gin bottles, right?)
77. Broken a bone (A radius, an ulna, and a trapezoid)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (Oh, yes.  It probably felt faster than it really was, but it was pretty speedy)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Yes.  However, it was so long ago, it was only the "Pretty Good Canyon" then)
80. Published a book (not yet)
81. Visited the Vatican (See "Pope/restraining order" comment above)
82. Bought a brand new car (A 1993 Ford F-150, with two fuel tanks and 12 miles on the odometer)
83. Walked in Jerusalem (Nope)
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (Yes, a couple times)
85. Read the entire Bible (I skimmed it, plus I already know how it ends (<---- Lauri's answer was too perfect, so I'm leaving it))
86. Visited the White House (Yes.  Sadly, it wasn't at all like "The West Wing," though)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (I've killed animals, and I've prepared animals for eating.  Just not the same animals)
88. Had chickenpox (Indeed.  It's every kid's first herpes infection. lol)
89. Saved someone’s life (In a manner of speaking)
90. Sat on a jury (I tried, but I didn't make the cut.)
91. Met someone famous Lot's of people.  Famous people are all short (except for John Tesh and Wayman Tisdale)
92. Joined a book club (Not that I recall)
93. Lost a loved one (Too many loved ones)
94. Had a baby (Um, no.)
95. Seen the Alamo in person (Actually, I think I have.  It's in Texas, right? ;-)
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (I've seen the Great Salt Lake, and I've swum in a swimming pool the same day)
97. Been involved in a law suit (I've been deposed, but never testified, nor sued nor been sued)
98. Owned a mobile phone (I haven't had a land-line in over a decade)
99. Been stung by a bee (Yep.  Bees, wasps, hornets, horseflies)
100. Read an entire book in one day  (The latest was...

Laurie Channer's new novel, "Godblog" is one of the most original books to come out in years. Dag was a budding snowboard legend, who suddenly "lost his tricks." After an especially disastrous half-pipe run, he stumbled into Black Arts Coffee, a soul-impaired corporate chain, and quickly became their most popular barista. Dag has a secret, though--an online alter-ego whose popularity and influence quickly explodes out of control. The story is fresh, the chain coffeehouse details rich, and the characters quirky and well-drawn. Ms Channer infuses her narrative with wry, funny observations about corporations, internet culture, and people in general. She does so in a caustically gentle way, though. The writing is sharp, the dialogue true, and the book never bogs down. A sui generis joy to read. (And no whiny damn vampires) Highly recommended.

(now available from Amazon.com, and better bookstores everywhere)

I'll have to work on this list for next year.  Then again, if it involves being stung, giving birth, or slaughtering animals, I think I'll be happy the way it is. 

 

(I lifted this from Bold as Love.  I'm in a strangely pensive mood, so here goes)

TEN things you wish you could say to 10 people:

1. Thank you for paying attention and working hard in medical school, being kind, and saving my life.
   
2. Thank you for paying attention and working hard in nutbin school, being kind, and saving my life.
   
3. Thanks for always being there.
   
4. I'm grateful for all you've done for me and for who you are, but I'll never be able to be what you want me to be.
   
5. You were never a radio guy in the first place.  You played politics and ruined a lot of people, but now you're running a used car lot, so kiss my scarred-up beanbag, you tight-assed twat-waffle.
   
6. Breaking up with you the way I did was a huge mistake, and I'm sorry.  I hope you're happy.  You deserve it.
   
7. Your friendship means the world to me.  It gets me through some tough days.  But don't even kid about us being together someday.  It would be a mistake.
   
8. I love you guys, but there are times I really need to be alone.  It doesn't mean I've relapsed or I'm suicidal--I can only handle being around people so much.
   
9. Going to church regularly doesn't mean somebody is a good person; never going to church doesn't mean somebody is a bad person.  You can show up at a restaurant regularly too, but it doesn't mean you eat.
   
10. I think you are beautiful, inside and out, and you are one of my favorite carbon-based life forms on Earth.
    

NINE things about yourself.  

1. I can nearly always charm people--make them laugh and feel at ease--even though I may be grinding my teeth while doing so.
2. If my life had taken a slight turn one way or another, I easily could've been a surgeon or a crackhead, with equal aplomb. 
3. I don't have a lot of friends.  I really don't feel compelled to cultivate friendships just to stave off loneliness, to which I'm generally immune.
   
4. I feel like my brain runs way too fast for my own good.  Especially if I'm off my meds. 
   
5. My interweb friends are as real to me as are my real life friends, sometimes moreso.
   
6. I don't fear death anymore.  To me, that frees me up to live.
   
7. I've never been one to have my spirits crash or soar depending on a sports team's performance.  (Two soars: watching Carlton Fisk's homerun in the '75 World Series, and when the Bucs beat the crap out of the Raiders in the Super Bowl; one crash: when NC State beat Houston at the buzzer in the NCAA Tournament)
   
8. In the words of Raymond Babbit, "I'm a very good driver."
   
9. When I was 17, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of Florida.  Now, I'd be perfectly happy staying here the rest of my life.
   

EIGHT ways to win your heart.

(i think 'winning your heart' is quite broad. I think we all share our hearts with our friends, family AND partners. so i'm renaming this a piece of my heart.)

EIGHT ways to win your a piece of your heart.

1. Be your own person, without trying to impress me.
   
2. Don't flatter me--I wouldn't believe you anyway.
   
3. Don't be fake--if I see you being fake to other people, I'll suspect you're being fake to me as well.
4. Be happy with yourself as you are: if you don't have naturally occurring 2 inch orange fiberglass fingernails, for God's sake don't pay to have somebody glue them on for you.
   
5. Be interesting, but realize that being interesting means being real, not trying to impress me or say things I'd say.
   
6. Judge not, lest ye be judged, as they say.  In other words, don't just bitch about others.
   
7. Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are" adroitly sums it up for me.
   
8. If you are mean to my cats or my friends, you will be willed to the cornfield.
   

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot.

1. Jayzus, is THIS the biggest thing this person really has to worry about?
   
2. When is payday?
   
3. Is 2008 over yet?
   
4. Holy crap, is 2008 really almost over already?
   
5. This absolutely sucks, but compared to being unemployed/hospitalized/starving/in the Abyss, I'm doing just fine.
   
6. Yeah, THAT looks natural.
   
7. Can I go home now?
   

SIX things you do before you fall asleep.

1. go to the bathroom
2. Add water to my CPAP machine.
   
3. Select 15 minutes or so of music.
   
4. Turn out all the lights.
   
5. Be thankful
   
6. Invite Ana-Sofia Vargas to join me in bed.
   

FIVE people who mean a lot at the moment.

(what does this mean at the moment?)

FIVE people who mean a lot

1. C
   
2. K
   
3. Ann Marie
   
4. My parents
   
5. Little brother
   

FOUR things you see right now:

1. Power Book
2. Glasses case
3. Bottle of water
4. Ana-Sofia Vargas with my rapidly being-devoured copy of the spectacular new Laurie Channer novel, "Godblog," available for Christmas delivery from Amazon.com

THREE bands/singers that you listen to often:

1. Bruce Cockburn
   
2. China Crisis
   
3. Marillion
   

TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. Find another place where I can use my brain ninja skills
   
2. Live happily
   

ONE confession

I sometimes think I'm missing some gene or synaptical junction that keeps me from needing other people as much as I feel like I should, that I'm too content being alone.

(sorry to be so maudlin, but I figure it balances out the "You Can't Say C**t in Canada" video on my previous post)

Go back through the past year's entries and show us the first line of the first (public) post in each month. Now you have a twelve-sentence snapshot of what you thought was worth blogging about in 2008. (I took the first two lines on a couple occasions, just to make more sense.  This was interesting; try it for yourself.  July was my favorite.  Happy Friday)

January

I can't believe it's 2008.  I'm a bit disappointed, frankly. 

February

I shouldn't laugh, but I did. 

March

    As I park at my apartment, the infernal phone rings again.

April

LOATHE:

• Rush hour traffic
• Hospitals
• Cleaning my cave
• The job interviewing process
• Traffic was so horrid today, I double-loathe it

May

What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?

Flatulence.

June

If you've never seen Throw Momma from the Train, Danny DeVito plays a talentless creative writing student, who starts off his murder story "The night was moist."

July

I think I'd have a better chance of living through a wolverine attack than being ass-aulted with the Colt Mega-Power Anal T Probe. 

August

I just talked to Jill.  Her surgery went really well Tuesday, and she's already back home--three days before the doctors had predicted..

September

So far, the only casualty in Brother Wind's tenure has been my end table lamp.

October

Remember the good old days? A hamburger, fries, and a cherry Coke were just one tenth of a cent down at the soda shop (provided you were white and allowed to be served there, of course). 

November

I lost it when the demon face was on the range hood

December

Stupid sore throat. 

Five names you go by:

1.   Tom

2.  Occupant

3.  Ana-Sofia Vargas' Hooman

4.  Hey, you!

5.  Father Doctor Rabbi Tom

 

Three things you are wearing right now:

1.   big green shirt

2.   sweat shorts

3.  Out

Two things you want very badly at the moment:

1.   Why is it that everyone always says "world peace" when they get to this question? Why doesn't anyone ever say, "to pimp-slap my ex" or "for some sort of horribly unpleasant virus to infect all of my enemies, especially those whom I owe money."  I don't really wish for violent or unpleasant things to happen to people.  However, it seems like people always have really magnanimous wishes here at this question.  Sure, peace would be fine, as would having all of my relatives be well off and comfortable, blah-cubed.  But what about me? What about having Jessica Alba and Elizabeth Kucinich oil wrestling in my living room while I watch and eat a bowl of warm Grape Nuts with honey? What about having a Ferrari Testarossa and an unlimited gas card? I think it'd be totally bitchin' to scream up I-75 at 180 mph.  Or if I could go back in time! Whoa, that would be cool.  But with modern firearms, just for protection.  Well, and if I were going back in time, I'd definitely want to make sure to be properly immunized.  So then, I'd have to wish that Aetna would cover my vaccinations against the plague, smallpox, largepox, and every other pox imaginable.  God, but that whole Black Death thing.  Yow.  Between 25% and 50% of Europeans died? Shit, that's bad.  There were three versions of Black Death, and the most common was simply awful; the other two were worse.  Wait.  I could go back in time to 1347, and take a huge tanker truck full of anti-Black Death medicine.  Then, when people got sick, I could hit them with a water cannon of medicine.  This would be beneficent, in that they'd be cured, plus it would appeal to my love of shooting people with water cannons.  I never have shot anyone with a water cannon, but it would be fun, especially if it were somebody I didn't like.  Then again, I wouldn't want to shoot anyone I liked with a water cannon, and yet that would be the only way to cure them.  Oh, hell: comedy's comedy, even if it's a loved one.  So I'd just spray everyone...but then, what if Herr and Frau Hitler goose-stepped up to be cured.  Would I spray them? What about the Stalins? Would I have an entire list of people who suck, and allow their ancestors to die? What about if Hitler's great-great-great-great-grandmother was hot and really nice, would I still let her die, just because little Adolf would come along later? Crap, like I need that headache: wondering whom to save and whom to let die.  Is it my fault wars happen? Just because I don't wish for world peace? No! It's what I want.  And I'--well, you know some really cool things have come out of various wars.  And not just the US Civil War, which was fought almost exclusively in National Parks, conveniently enough.  Out of the Cold War, we got the SR-71 Blackbird.  Ho.  Lee.  Crap! What a great plane that was! Belching green fire when you start it up, then racing across the sky at Mach 3.Classified.  Whoa.  Without the threat of nuclear war, we wouldn't have needed that plane.  (It flew from New York to London once an hour faster than the Concorde) And what if I saved somebody with my anti-Plague medicine cannon--comically knocking some little kid down with my lifesaving seltzer bottle--and that person went on to spawn something even worse than Hitler, Stalin, and Paula Abdul combined.  Some sort of short, insane, murderous gnome with a bad mustache.  So maybe I shouldn't cure the plague without more research.  Or stop war, because who knows what sort of lunatic snuffed it during the Crusades? Or with brave General Tso, of Sino-French War and Eponymous Chicken fame? Or if by stopping war, one of my ancestors--the one with all the y-chromosomes--bought the farm back in Middle Ages Spain, then maybe I wouldn't be here! Or something else could happen.  I change one little thing back in 12th Century Europe, and suddenly I find myself married to Dennis Kucinich, oil-wrestling Jessica Alba while some Hagridian perv watches and eats hot Grape Nuts.  No thanks!

2.   A pizza

 

Two things you did last night:

1.   Managed to read half of "Twilight" while I worked

2.   Had really odd dreams

 

Two things you ate today:

1.   Spicy hot ramen noodles mixed with vegetables

2.   A couple Tums

 

 Two people you last talked to on the phone

1.   Abby

2.  My parents

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

1.   Do my damnedest to finish "Twilight"

2.  Work

 

Two longest car rides

1.     Sarasota, FL, to Yellowstone Park, WY

2.    From my cave on Lake Tom to the ER last December.  

 

 Two of your favorite beverages:

1.   Ketel One Vodka.  (I don't drink it anymore, but I really liked it (rocks, 3 olives))

2.   Right now, I'd love a nice cold Diet Mountain Dew

 

2 things that you are really excited about right now

1.    Honestly, I don't really get excited about too much anymore.  The Godfathers had a great cd title: Birth, School, Work, Death.  I've been through the first three, and I'm in no real hurry to complete the set.  I get "excited" about things that aren't especially E-ticket-ride exciting.  I just stood on my balcony, and I watched a raccoon foraging along the shores of Lake Tom.  It was cool.  It would've been cooler if I'd seen that giant fireball the Canadians put on the other night.  Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle, that was awesome.  I've seen fireballs, but nothing like that.  But it was a peaceful, almost reverent moment, watching the little raccoon.  Again, no fireball.  OH! Or if an alligator had jumped up out of the water and eaten him.  That would have been more exciting.  You know? Now that I think about it, "It's a Small World" was an E-ticket ride, and that was horribly non-exciting.  In fact, it was tedious and annoying.  I got so sick of that horrid song and those leering, obviously medicated animatronic moppets.  You know what would be exciting? Taking a chainsaw to that damn ride.  Just chopping little vapid dolls up.  And that song! Lord have mercy.  I'd put on "Ride of the Valkyries," like they did in "Apocalypse Now," and go nuts.  It would also be exciting to sneak a Husqvarna 455 Rancher chainsaw into Disney World.  It would also be exciting to bring the raccoon into Disney World.  He'd have a ball--there are plenty of garbage cans to pillage--and he could always hide as a coonskin cap in Davy Crockett's Trading Post.  That used to piss me off when I was a kid, because you couldn't trade shit in there.  It was just cash.  I wanted to trade things.  Nope.  See, now that's when you need a chainsaw to make things exciting.  Or an alligator.  That would be even more exciting than the raccoon.  And more exciting than Davy Crockett's Trading Post would be SONNY Crockett's Trading Post.  You could trade a few pounds of Peruvian Marching Powder for a white Versace suit and a Ferrari Testarossa. (foreshadowing can be exciting, too) I'm okay with my non-exciting life, come to think of it.  Very okay.

  

2.     Just 36 days till Boxing Day

 

 

 

5 things you are thankful for:

 

    1. Respiration

    2.  Photosynthesis

    3.  Housing

    4.  A pulse

    5.  The successful, thoughtful end to this meme-type thing.

   

(I stole this from Killer Kelly.  Thanks Kil-Kel.)

1.

Did you tell the last person you had a crush on your feelings for them?
I did.  Once she finished convulsing with laughter, she shook her head pityingly, shanked me in the kidney, and high-tailed it to a judge for an emergency restraining order.

2.
What time will you be getting up tomorrow morning?
0805, although I probably won't awaken thoroughly until early afternoon.

3.
How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?
Cat-warmed and sore of back.

4.
What is on your agenda for tomorrow?
Work.  Nap.  More work.

5.
Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
I'm in bed now, however I probably won't sleep for a few hours.  I'd pretty much live in my bed if I could, but it's a bitch to drive a clutch while horizontal (especially while resting tummy side down)

6.
Who were you with at 4 pm this afternoon?
I was at a secret meeting with--(BLAM, BLAM BLAM) (bleed, tom-brain-goo-splatter, sputter, cough, sigh, eyes back-rolling, "Hi, Grandma!")

I mean, I was driving to work alone.

7.
Last CD you listened to?
"Flaunt the Imperfection," by China Crisis.

8.
Are you mad at anyone?
You.  Not you.  No, you either.  YOU!

9.
How many people have held your hand today?
Only one.

10.
What does your number 3 call you?
My numbers don't speak to me, especially primes.  Well, I suppose i is technically prime, but it's imaginary, so I don't count it.

 11.
Last time you saw your number 1?
I just went number one--does that count?

12.
Last person that you texted?
Rhonda.

13.
Do you miss someone?
I miss a lot of people.  The key is to keep shooting, and try to aim better.

14.
Last time you kissed someone?
Tuesday.

15.
What are your plans for later?

Sleep.  Awaken.  I try to stick to the basics.

16.
Can you play guitar hero?

Guitar, yes.  Guitar Hero, no, although I suspect I'd probably be just as mediocre at the game as I am on the actual instrument..

17.
Where are you at right now?
My cave on the shore of Lake Tom.

18.
Can you easily tell if someone is fake?
If a German Shepard barks at them, they're fake.  At least that's what Kyle Reese said.  Just to be sure, I usually take a biopsy and CT scan (if there's still doubt, I send Lauri a stool sample for analysis).

19.
Describe the shirt you are wearing:
Old Wonder Bread mold green, and really big and battered, like good onion rings.

20.
Do you hit on people a lot?
Nah.  That just encourages them to linger.

21.
How has this week been?
Any week where I'm above the grass is a good one.

22.
Have you ever written a love letter?

Oh, yes.  I even typed it.  It didn't work, but at least it was legible.

23.
Do you have a job?
Yes, I do, although I might have gotten laid-off from my part-time gig Wednesday (nobody's sure)

24.
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Dwight Schrute.

25.
Have you kissed someone in the past week?
If you disregard the number of asses I've kissed symbolically, no.

26.
Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Cathy.

27.
In winter would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
I'd rather stay here where it's warm.  I don't own anything with long sleeves--jacket, hoodie, shirt, golf balls, etc.

28.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
I wish I were here, but 48 hours from now.

29.
Do you have a best friend?
They're all pretty darn good.

30.
Has anyone ever sang to you?
Yes, actually.  Twice.  Once was my friend, Brenda, who's one of the best singer-songwriters I've ever heard.  The other was a girl whose name I can't even remember.  We were in a bar, and "Elderly Woman..." by Pearl Jam came on the juke box.  She sang it to me, and it blew my mind: "I just want to scream hello.  My God, it's been so long...but now here you are, and here I am!" It was a great night.

31.
Has anyone ever written a poem or song about you?
That's a Stevie Nicks song: "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You."  I don't especially like her, but this is a great song.  BTW, Ann Marie at work always cracks me up by saying, "Damn your love! Damn your lies!" which is a line from "The Chain," which Stevie Nicks sings on, or at least she was there twirling her dress, probably doing lots of cocaine and drinking wine while everybody else sang. 

32.
What are you drinking right now?
You know, I'm listening to the aforementioned song, and I have absolutely no idea what it means.  And Stevie sounds even more like she has a cold than usual.  Then again, Stevie's Fleetwood Mac songs would all be very, VERRRRY different if a truly awesome voice like, say, Ann Wilson from Heart were singing them.  Good Lord, that lady has a voice.  Pipes out the wazoo.  She did a live acoustic version of "Crazy on You" that used to drive Donna the Sales Assistant crazy.  One hot July afternoon, we were at the beach--the gross, redneck beach you can drive on--and I had that blasting, and she took her shirt off and started kissing me.  It was pretty spectacular, even though people kept honking their horns when they drove by, and Donna wouldn't close her window, because she loved the sun on her bare breasts.  I tried to tell her that I appreciated that too, but that her bare breasts were causing a commotion, but she said "Fuck 'em! I love this song!" I tried to explain that I loved it too, and that I loved her bare breasts--and kissing her as well--but that my dark-tinted windows only provided privacy when they were UP.  She didn't care, though.  She'd been pounding beer all afternoon, and I'd been drinking iced tea, because I had to be on the air at 1900.  So she was liquored up and ready for action, while I just wanted to stay out of jail until at least after my show, preferably the rest of my life.  She finally rolled her window up, and we continued making out and stuff, replaying that song over and over on the CD player.  When I got back to the bar, my hair was sticking up like that Chad character on the Alltel ads, and my buddy Dick joked that I wouldn't have "any legs," like a boxer who has sex the night before a big fight.  By damn, he was right: I couldn't ad-lib my way out of a sack that night--I still remember that.  I wonder what happened to Dick. He was a great guy, but I lost track of him when I stopped going to bars.  He and I played golf the last time I saw him, and we rode to the course in his girlfriend's '64 Vette convertable.  I remember the chrome bar at the top of the windshield would've hit me in my supraorbital margin if we'd gotten hit, but we didn't.  Also, I was able to get 18 cold cans of Budweiser in my Wilson Staff golf bag, which was about all I was good for--I couldn't play for shit that day--and Dick kept borrowing my sand wedge, and every time he hit it, he stuck his shot about five feet from the pin.  I was so pissed! My own sand wedge helping somebody kick my ass on the course! Dick called it a "lob wedge," and threatened to keep it.  He did me one better by keeping my entire set of golf clubs.  It's okay, though, because I didn't even think about it until a few years later, plus all the grips were shot anyway.  I hope he's hit a lot of great chips with that wedge.  (The club champion at the TPC at Prestancia gave me that wedge for my HS graduation--he was a great guy, and a helluva golfer)  I remember Dick asked me if I'd been with Donna the night before, because "You ain't got shit f'legs today, Tawmy." (Dick was from Maine) I hadn't been, if I recall.  Holy crap, the late Al Cruise used to give me crap every time Donna the Sales Assistant and I returned from lunch together, because my hair was always messed up.  We didn't always have sex during our lunches--most of the time, we just ate, then smooched a little bit--but my hair was always messed up.  Donna had some mad skills, and she was absolutely fearless.  I haven't talked to her in at least eight years.  I wonder how she's doing, and whose hair she's keeping mussed now.  OMG, the first night we ever hooked up was after a station event in downtown St Pete.  We were in the back of my truck, making out, and I took off her sweater.  She had nothing underneath, and we kept a-smooching, until I realized we were parked right next to the St Pete Police Department.  Gah! So we went to the beach, the gross redneck beach you can drive on, and I ended up with no legs, messed up hair, a shit-eating grin, and a lost pager. 

Oh, sorry.  I'm drinking water.

33.
Honestly when was the last time anyone saw you in your underwear?
Couldn't tell you.  I was seen in the girl next door's underwear the other night, though. (rimshot) (I kid)

34.
Do you get high a lot?
Nope.  I was never a good pot smoker.  A brilliant, award-winning drinker, but not good with the herb.

35.
Are you busy tomorrow?
Oh, yes.  I'm busy, but I'm lucky just to be employed.  Working for awhile on a fishing boat right outside of Delacroix.  But all the while I was alone, the past was close behind.  I seen a lot of women, but she never escaped my mind, and I just grew... (everybody sing) (Sheesh, get up for a glass of water, and Bob freakin' Dylan takes over the Power Book)

Happy Saturday, y'all.